Bad hair day

A cute lady came into the shop today wearing bright yellow pants and a bright yellow babushka.  I remember the first day I met her she was a little gruff and I didn't really like her much although she gave us some good business.  Over the last few months I have gotten to know her better.  She has been suffering from cancer and a husband with alzheimers.  One day I noticed that she was doing better - she told me she was doing so much better since she had "gotten rid of her husband."  I must have looked a bit taken back and she explained that she had put her husband in a home.  It had relieved a lot of her anxiety and she was feeling much better not having to take care of him and be sick too.

When she came in today she was only there for a few minutes to check things out.  I thought she looked so cute and she said she felt well but was having a bad hair day.  I loved the bright colors on her and felt like it made her look more alive.  It is funny what we might think is a bad thing (her bad hair day) can actually come across to someone else as something a positive thing (her yellow babushka which brightened her face and put a bit of pep in her step.

I felt like crap most of today.  I feel like coming off of my pills is very sensitive.  I am either laughing, loud and out of control or I am on the verge of tears and can't think very well.  Today I was angry with anyone who got in my way.  I feel like my mind isn't working and then someone (Jim) tells me that my mind isn't working... I don't like that.  Then Amy tells me that I am being ornery when I already know that I am being ornery...  I try to use the computer and the telephone and neither one works for me - I just get more and more emotional...  I truly hope that I get over these pills soon.

One thing that I do find while in this "state" is that I am a lot more sympathetic to what Clorinda and others go through.  Not wanting to take the pills, taking the pills and not feeling like you are in control, trying to stop the pills and being emotional and /or depressed.  It becomes such a cycle and when you know you are not meaning to be rude or unkind or stupid and yet realizing it can come across that way just makes you want to curl up and escape.  Well such was my crappy day... I hop it doesn't go on much longer.

I want to be like Diane with her cute little hat who feels happier even though her problems have not totally gone away... she has learned how to deal with them and even smile once in a while.